New Book Deal

Hardcore fans know I’m something of a technophile.

The first iPhone?  Apple wouldn’t even consider the project until I was given a one-off prototype and my every nuance tracked and recorded by a team of developers.  (the “Touch Screen”?  Yes, I can now finally reveal that was my brainchild.)

I famously removed myself from the BlackBerry project when Research in Motion refused to name the device the “BeverlyHillsBerry.”  I’m sure they are kicking themselves now.

Which brings us to the great news I share in this post.  As Beverly Hills was an early adopter of “electronic mail,” (see below)

Being an assistant in Beverly Hills has always been challenging, even with the introduction of the first e-mail machines!

Being an assistant in Beverly Hills has always been challenging, even with the introduction of the first e-mail machines!

I have sent some of the most interesting and insightful e-mails known to man.  And today, that hard work has finally paid off – a call from my agent to say that the manuscript I have been so diligently compiling and editing has sold!  Rejoice!

In a matter of weeks, THE COLLECTED E-MAILS OF BEVERLY HILLS BERT will hit online and brick-and-mortar outlets.

Details are still being hashed out, but we do know it will be a large-format coffee-table style book with glossy pages and full index.  I’ve done all the homework for you, all you have to do is sit back and enjoy.

You’ll get all the classic BHB e-mails:

  • the congratulatory e-mail to Barack Obama, including the full chain and our Commander-in-Chief’s heartfelt and surprisingly verbose reflections
  • the scientific-lingo-annotated Al Gore back-and-forth, wherein I explained the dire global weather situation and which eventually led to his movie An Inconvenient Truth (I steadfastly refused any credit – that the truth is known is payment beyond riches)

and some of the lesser-known gems:

  • my stern yet fair e-mail to my longtime drycleaner explaining why I found it necessary to switch drycleaners
  • the finely wrought mass-emails (often taking an entire day to compose) to my various places of employment inviting them to one of my ultra-hip soirees (including original semi-random clip art)

and even I am not above a little self-deprecation… bonus chapter of E-MAIL BLOOPERS:

  • the mis-addressed e-mail to my grandmother admitting my thoughts of infidelity
  • the awkward e-mail from my grandmother outlining the entire romantic history of her and grandpa (talk about Too Much Information!  Oy…)

Early orders receive an autographed lithograph!

E-mail me at to get your name on the list.

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